Dating and managing your expectations
A lot of people are afraid of dating because they do not want to face any form of rejection, and that is totally understandable. The truth is that when it comes to dating, you never know what to expect. There are so many factors and variables that it is easy to get lost into our heads and start creating anxiety about the whole concept. But if you are expecting to fail, then the chances are you will, as you will be acting towards that goal. Now that doesn’t mean that you should always expect to succeed neither, because finding people for love or sex isn’t something you should be taking for granted either. So where should a person’s expectations lie?
For a lot of people, expectations will be linked with what they have done in the past and what has happened to them. Whether you have been dating traditionally or even using the best dating sites, the truth is that you will always face some sort of rejection. People who have failed previous relationships might still have failure at the back of their heads even if they mean to succeed this time around. So how does one go about creating a neutral state of mind in their head?
Every new opportunity is a chance to approach things differently. Even though you’ve already dated before, you haven’t dated this particular person just yet. Don’t put all women and men into the same bag; they simply don’t all behave the same. The nature of relationships is very personal, and it is all those little differences that make it possible for people to stay together. Even when you’re just dating for sex, everyone has that thing that makes them click like no other person does. So don’t see it as doing the same thing again, rather consider everything as a new and fresh experience.
Love is often portrayed in the media as this magical hocus-pocus feeling that we just cannot control, but let’s be real for a second here. When you look back at what you’ve done in the past, you should be able to determine certain patterns of behaviour; things you always do. You are what you do, there is not magical force controlling you. So if you’ve been a bit of a heart breaker in the past, know that it is part of your character and try to look at the reasons you behave the way you do. Look into your past, your childhood and accept your own faults. Only by doing so will you be able to man up to them and change for the better. This change will radically influence your expectations, and you might be able to set yourself more realistic dating goals that way.
Accept the bad sides
You never get a free ride in life, and any relationship will come with it’s up and downs. It is easy to have positive expectations at the early stages of a relationship where everyone is in love; but know that real life will settle in at some point. Basically what we’re saying is don’t expect things to stay easy for ever or you’ll find yourself swimming against the tide before you even know you’ve fallen into the river. Life is all about balance, so create yourself some realistic expectations and you will swim toward the right direction.