Double-Dating or Double-Crossing?
It’s all very well to be dating several people at one time when it’s the first few dates, it’s all very casual and you’re still getting to know them. But where does it begin to look a bit like cheating? The beginning patch of a relationship can be a very murky area in this day and age. It’s not like at school where after much whispering and giggling from friends a boy came up and asked a girl to be their girlfriend. It really was that simple: the beginning of a relationship in under five minutes. Now, relationships in the adult world can take weeks, months or even years to start properly, after many dates, doubts and wonderings. There isn’t just one question and one answer, there are several roundabout conversations. So, along this foggy path, what constitutes as cheating and how can you avoid causing hurtful misunderstandings? Here are a few things to consider…
Is there a difference of opinion?
Think about your relationship so far: what has been said, what has been promised and what terms have been used. How do they introduce you to other people and how do they talk about the future, using ‘we’ or ‘I’? Dating can be complicated by couples who may want different things from each other. You may have overlooked the fact that your partner is a step ahead of you – think about how they would react if they found out that you’re seeing someone else.
What is your motive?
Be honest with yourself about why you’re still calling that old flame, or still giving out your phone number. You may be deceiving yourself and know full well that you shouldn’t be doing it. Then why? Is it because you’re not ready for commitment and need more time? Or is it because you want to see how they react to the situation to test their affection for you? The sooner you realise why you’re seeing other people, the sooner you’ll be able to answer the question ‘am I cheating?’.
Are you being deliberately secretive?
Everyone likes to keep their options open and imagine an alternative universe where the tennis club instructor would make an amazing father, or the hot new receptionist at work is secretly interested in you. But if you’re hiding something from your partner, forgetting to mention the tennis instructor’s name, or the receptionist’s name, then this is a little worrying. If you’re deliberately concealing things then it means that your partner wouldn’t like to hear what you have to hide.
How would you react?
Reverse the situation. You find her in Costa with her ex. You find him out to lunch with his receptionist. How would you react? This will certainly clear your mind to the nature of the relationship and how you feel about your partner. It’s only fair to treat him as you expect him to treat you.
Birmingham dating, New York dating- wherever you are in the UK, in the US, or in the world, be honest and direct. If you’re asking the question ‘am I cheating?’ then it’s probably time to have a very serious conversation with your partner about the nature of your relationship. This will clear up any uncertainties immediately.