My most memorable first dates and why they were memorable
So right off the bat I’m going to be perfectly frank regarding my life in terms of offline dating – it was nothing short of a nightmare. The idea of going out in a public venue to meet women utterly frightened me, but I was desperate for sex and general companionship, so I took the plunge and went for it. There was a quote I read a while ago that stated that I should “feel the fear and do it anyway,” so I thought that I would apply it to my circumstances and see if I can get a positive result out of it. I’d like to set the scene for you of how painful it was of going out to a venue at night, alone, and trying to meet women.
First, would be getting into the venue. It seems that the way bars think is the exact opposite of how normal businesses think of “pleasing the customer, and they will most likely come back.” What they do, is make me wait in line like tamed cattle, often when it’s cold or even when the venue is empty. I’m asked for my ID, they frisk me, and charge me to get into the venue. An outside observer would only assume, after seeing this process, that the place that I was about to enter would just be a world of pleasure and happiness, right? Wrong! I would enter, and simply see a dark, crowded room, where seemingly nothing fun can possibly occur here.
The activities are limited, such as getting a drink or dancing. When it comes to interacting with others, I’m afraid to admit that I was often the guy standing at the edge, talking to no one. One night I made an effort to try and observe everyone else, and it turns out this is not uncommon. By looking carefully, I noticed that there is a surprising amount of people who go out, and stand there and talk to no one with a drink in their hand.
Once you actually get to talk to someone, you realize it’s probably more gratifying to stand there and talk to no one. The reason is, you basically have to scream in a person’s ear in order to have a casual conversation. Once you engage in conversation with the women you desire, you either get rejected or have to endure objections, such as…
“It’s girl’s night out, please leave us alone.”
“I have a boyfriend.”
“Um, I have to go to the bathroom.”
“Could you not talk to me?”
There were also plenty of times where I would approach, and just get nasty looks. It turns out that the only “success” that I would have was off drunk girls. We would talk and laugh, then we exchanged numbers – only to find out that it was either a fake number, or she did not remember who I was.
So, from a guy who was desperate and lonely who finally mustered up the courage to go and meet women offline, all I was stuck with was a lousy streak of failure after failure.
So, I tried something different. I would go on and proceed to take things online. It seemed as though the new dating app around was Tinder, so I thought that I’d try it out.
The results were, unfortunately only marginally better. Yes, I would get matches – but this would be after swiping right about 50 times. What pissed me off especially would be that most of my matches were bots! I’d get super excited to match with a sexy girl only to realize it was a trap and she was not real all along. For those that were not bots, sometimes I would try to start the conversation by messaging them first, only to never get a response back. This was frustrating, if you’re going to like my profile so we can be matched, why on earth wouldn’t you bother replying to me? I also learned that most girls have a short attention span and you’d have to pounce on your matches or it would just get buried – they get swarmed with guys always trying to get a hold of them. That being said, it was an important lesson to not take this too seriously. You can’t ever get upset if someone cuts you off with no warning. Just because you match with someone does not mean that they are going to become your soulmate. Even if the conversation goes well at first, sometimes it just stops out of nowhere. I’ve literally been unmatched mid conversation after I already had a girl’s snapchat and number – To boot, I didn’t even send her anything dirty, I simply told her I was watching the basketball game.
Despite a lot of the nonsense that happened on this online dating app, I did in fact get some results, but these results were far an in between. I was into casual dating, most of the girls wanted a relationship, we were not upfront with intentions and it caused a lot of confusion.
It was only until I tried the online dating sites where I would get both results and consistency! The fact is, there are a lot of women out there looking for casual sex – more than you’re aware of. I realized that my prior experience with dating really was just putting myself in the wrong environment to get what I wanted, so it was very inefficient and tiresome. After approaching countless disinteresting women in real life, and messaging countless women online, I was basically using a “spray and pray” strategy with this approach. I had no clue where exactly to find my “target audience,” and this was detrimental to my success.